The Friendship Spectrum

Celebrating Connection

Remember when we were kids, we were bombarded with the importance of choosing our friends wisely. I lost count of how many after-school specials hit the subject. I don’t remember my parents sharing strong opinions about my friends, but I did occasionally vocalize my concern about the choices my kids made in that arena.

But for the most part, the friends I chose to have in my life were mostly by circumstance; women I went to church with, my kids’ friend’s moms, neighbors and coworkers. And when those circumstances changed, so did the friends.

Honestly, I don’t think I became intentional about the kind of people I wanted as friends until 2020. Thank you, Covid!

I went through a “letting go” phase. I unfriended people I didn’t want to see in my social media feed. And I stopped reaching out to those one-sided friends – you know the ones who never reach out to you first. 

I started taking yoga and meditation classes, surrounding myself with people who were interested in growth and personal development. I became more selective in the networking events I attended. 

Finally, I began choosing the friends in my life from a place of conviction instead of convenience.

When I combined intentionally choosing friends with an abundant growth mindset while holding my boundaries, amazing people came into my life. I cultivated deep and meaningful relationships.

Along the way, I learned that it’s natural for friendships to ebb and flow. And not all friends stay in our lives forever. My goal now is to appreciate and cherish the time we have together.

My broader perspective was fueled by several analogies of friendship.

Galaxy of friends…

The first analogy we’ll look at is the Galaxy of Friendship. It’s like the concentric circles of the planets orbiting the sun. 

Our closest friends are like Mercury, our inner circle.  While our acquaintances are more like Pluto, and subject to losing its status in the galaxy altogether. And there’s all the level of friends in between – this might be where situational friends belong.

There’s a couple of concepts I like here:

• Some friends are closer than others and there’s room for a range of people in your life.

• Even our closest friends are on their own path, and sometimes they are closer to us than other times.

Bouquet of friends…

The Bouquet of Friendship is more of a living example of the ebb and flow of life. 

This analogy says that your friends are like a mixed assortment of flowers. Your closest friends are your ‘rose friends.’ They are the rarest and most cherished. The daffodils are new friends. Then there’s the baby’s breath, those peripheral friends that add fullness to your life.

The thing I like about this analogy is that our friendship bouquets aren’t static. The flowers can be switched out with time as we change, our situation changes, and our friends change. It allows for our growth and development.

The friendship tree…

Finally, we have the Friendship Tree. 

I saw a beautiful image of a tree that had an incredibly positive perspective of all the friends in our lives.

Our leaf friends add fullness and beauty to our life, even if it’s for a short season.  It’s a comforting perspective for the people who come and go, and those who may not stay close to our hearts.

Now our branch friends are part of our life for extended periods of time, but they still come and go – and that’s okay!

But our root friends – these are our tried-and-true core friends who are a huge part of our foundation, our ride-or-die peeps. We know they’re there when we need them, and we can always count on them.

This one is my favorite because it’s such a graceful way to acknowledge the comings and goings of the people in our lives without judgement or diminishing their role.

At the same time, it shows the importance of having a community of friends. All three analogies actually show how much we need a full and varied community.

I know it can be challenging to find our people, the ones who support us and give meaning to our lives. 

For those of you in the Phoenix East Valley, might I recommend The Zen Den of Gilbert?

This Women’s Wellness Sanctuary has a warm and welcoming vibe, a place that gives you space to be your authentic self and know you will be safe and supportive. 

And you know, I’m always looking for ways to help you create your Blissful Self, so I teamed up with The Zen Den to save you 25% off your first month of your Yogi Membership or $50 off your Club SHINE membership (my personal favorite) when you use the code FLOURISH!